A Good Year

Hi everyone,

It's been almost a year since I last posted. I guess self-reflection isn't easy to do when you're constantly up to your neck in assignments and group work.

Third year has been tough. Massive learning curves were dealt with, deadlines were relatively short, and ambiguity was, as always, at the core of coursework description. However, this year has not been as difficult as I expected it to be, nor has it given me a constant stream of melancholy as second year did. Now that I think about it - I really did enjoy this year!

Subjects have been much more engaging, where I have been able to delve into topics of neuroscience, computer graphics, and was part of a video game development team with friends on my course, which I am particularly proud of. The game's called LanWars: Sheriffs vs. Bandits, and the main twist is that you can move your character off the edge of one screen and continue on the adjacent machine, in a 2.5D western-themed game of team-based control points. At the start of the year I was given a taste of life outside Computer Science by taking up an open module called 'Education, Schooling, and Diversity', which I found really interesting, and even found out some things about my hometown's policies. Come to think of it, Newham does produce some pretty successful educationalists, a few from my own school - Michael Wilshaw for instance (however questionable OFSTED's policies may be).

Now that I have a better idea of what sort of topics I am looking for in a career (education at the core), I feel as if I'm now beginning to open myself back up to software development, as I have become much more comfortable with creating a software product, and can say at this moment that I wouldn't mind working for a video games company sometime in the future. This is not because I know every little detail about how a real-world company works, but because I can understand the enjoyment, excitement, and sense of satisfaction that is gained from producing a piece of software, and observing people's enjoyment from something you have created is a truly awesome feeling. I also know this because I found that I don't necessarily have to deal with the fundamental, nitty-gritty details of a system setup - my speciality seems to be with visuals and user experience. I don't mind writing hundreds of lines of code, but I prefer to show my visually-creative side as well as my technically-creative one.

Me sporting the LanWars attire. No, I don't always wear a cowboy hat.

This year I have also helped out at three education-related events down at the local science and learning centre - @Bristol. The events are hosted by an organisation called DigiMakers, which is managed by the lovely Caroline Higgins at the Computer Science Department. I'd have loved to attend more of them, but coursework pressures were getting pretty tight for me around February/March. I started off by helping visitors (mainly children) get started with setting up a Raspberry Pi computer, and guiding them through various worksheets in order to explore the tip of the iceberg in terms of useful things you can do with it. I loved everyone's enthusiasm, and it seemed to be really good practise for being a teaching professional - I often got thrown into situations where I had to deal with a group of 5 kids and attend to them, while juggling other people and explaining concepts on-the-fly. After a lot of demand, at subsequent DigiMakers events I presented a Scratch workshop along with Hannah, the lovely outreach officer for the Computer Science Society. This went really well, and although I would have liked to put less weight on learning from the walkthrough-style worksheets, I found that teachers were coming into the workshop and using them as resources for their classes. I might be sounding cheesy and lame, but it really was amazing to see a room filled with families of people aged 4 to 74, each eagerly learning how to make a simple 2D game of a dog chasing a cat, or a 2-player projectile-based game. Of course, there are other things happening at the event, such as workshops for learning how to program in Python, workshops for learning how to create your own wearable electronic devices, and companies showcasing technical devices like Occulus Rifts and Motion-Sensitive robots. If you're about in Bristol and a DigiMakers event is on, I strongly recommend going - plus it's free entry!! Free!!

The other big thing going for me this year is my summer placement. Having a reasonable financial cushion to protect me, I felt it was the right time to combine my two great passions - education and travelling - and apply to be a Camp Counsellor at a summer camp in the US. It only took a week for a camp to contact me after my application was approved, and after a brief but pleasant Skype interview, I was hired! It's a science camp in north-eastern Pennsylvania, and is the kind of place I would have dreamed of going to as a kid - I never knew summer camps catered for nerdy kids like me! I mean, they've got stuff like archery and canoeing too, but to have sessions like rocketry, robotics, 3D modelling, animation, along with practical physics, biology, chemistry and more, it's making my inner child bounce around with so much excitement I don't know how I'll contain it. I don't think I've been this excited since I was 10. Of course, I'll be looking after a group of kids and leading or assisting in some sessions myself, and will no doubt be thinking hard about whether or not I'd like working around kids as a career. Oh, and I've never been to the US before. Oh man, so excited.

Oh and also I've recently been working on my personal website, hosted by the department. This is what I'm paying Uni fees for, right? http://www.cs.bris.ac.uk/~np1970/

I had quite a bit to talk about, so congrats for making it this far though the post :)

It's been a good year, and I'm sure I'll have an awesome summer.

Until next time.

Mental Discussion

Hi all,

So, I've reached that point again where I become engrossed in heavy thoughts. Thoughts of reflection upon my current situation, and how I can go about doing the things I really want to do. I'm sure you've had many of these moments too.

I guess I can start by saying that I really, really, really want to go abroad. I need to go somewhere fresh, to discard my current social and work-related baggage and simply enjoy life, seizing each opportunity and going with whatever interests me. To feel free. Isn't that what everyone wants?

The last time I truly felt such an amazing level of freedom was in Uganda two years ago. I love immersing myself in new environments, with the right balance of danger and safety to make things interesting. In a way, I'm envious of how the people there live simple lives - living off the land and making just enough to get by. There's no worry about getting a mortgage, battling with energy companies, or competing against a thousand other qualified people for a single job position, at a business which only seeks to help itself.

I guess the biggest question I've been asking myself is "for a first job, should I take priority over getting a job which I enjoy, or a job that has a high salary?" If I asked myself that question a year ago, I'd say getting a job which I enjoy is more important. I've found myself re-thinking that answer. On the whole, my answer is still the same, but I realise it's a much more complicated question than I initially thought.

I know I shouldn't deny multiple points of view, but in my mind, teaching seems like the most comfortable job for me. Not comfortable as in 'easy', but comfortable in that the job brings in a steady, reasonable income, I can afford to buy a humble abode within 10 years of working (stress the word 'humble'), and most importantly, I am making a real and positive difference to society.

Now, I'm not denying the fact that I could be living in that humble abode much sooner by working in private industry, then switch to teaching, but I question the real advantage I am giving myself by working in a job where the core meaning of my work is to fill the pockets of authoritarian people. Besides, I'm not the sort of person who wants to live in a mansion.

Of course, another fact is that my lack of dedication to teaching if I were to start in another industry. I quite like the idea of moving up in the hierarchy of a school, perhaps one day becoming a headteacher (in which case, I'd be earning loads of money anyway), but I do question how the leadership roles differ from each other, particularly the abstraction to which you are actually helping the kids. As a headteacher, you might not be engaging with kids in the same way that a standard teacher will. Regardless, The sooner I start my career in teaching, the sooner I will build up my technique and experience, and the sooner I can be qualified for higher positions.

I'll leave the mental discussion here for now. Time to sleep and digest.

Until next time.

Learning to Teach

Hi all,

So once again, it's been a while since I last blogged. Only now have I got the opportunity to take the time to clear my head of work stresses, and actually take a bit of time for reflection and self-evaluation. That's basically what people do when they blog, right? Discuss things they'd like to get out of their head, so that the thoughts running around can have some kind of real-world meaning. Anyway..

Teaching. It's something I've always had at the back of my mind for a job, and it's only recently that I've questioned myself as to why I've always previously refused the thought of becoming a Teacher. From the years I've spent being taught/lectured (not the same thing, I promise you), the majority of time I spend in classes is dedicated to thinking about how the person at the front could provide a better way of explaining a topic, so much so that I often feel the urge to go up and explain the topic myself sometimes. Less so at University, because too often is it the case where a lecturer's style is so dry even the chairs in the lecture theatre start giving up on life. I just can't keep up with most lectures, and to be totally honest I really don't like the whole formal lecturing style, although I understand it's necessary when you've got 200 or so people to teach about Fourier Transforms. Seriously though, some of the seats in the Chemistry department are close to collapse.

What's so bad about the Software Industry? I'm not saying there's anything bad about it, but the idea of dealing with line after line of tedious error messages, spending half my spare time worrying about other people's contribution to a group project, and staring at a computer screen for most of the day doesn't appeal to me. If the industry isn't like this, then the University is doing a bad job at preparing us for it. Cynicism aside, I simply like talking to people, and enjoy social situations much more than I do compared with being on my own, struggling with trying to make a damned SQL plugin work. I'm becoming more and more fed up with learning things I'm probably not going to use in a future job, so it helps in that I'm making up my mind about becoming a Teacher - it gives me a clear idea for a career to aim for.

Unlike the traditional view, Teaching is not a job for industry failures. With any job, passion is important (oh how cliché), and that includes Teaching. Honestly, I cannot think of a better way of contributing to society than to share your knowledge and help children gain a grip on their lives; opening doors to opportunities. Short of being a Doctor, it's the most important job in the entire world. Education is universal, brings everyone closer together in understanding, and as a result helps to craft people who will become the future leaders of the world. There really isn't anything more meaningful than to see a child go on to be successful in what they want to do, knowing that it was you who provided the stepping stones. A lot of people say it's a job where you don't get thanked enough for it. That statement is somewhat supported by the relatively low salary, but personally I think if you're dedicated enough, it shouldn't matter how many times you're being thanked. So long as you know you've done your job and allowed children to shape their future, that's the real job satisfaction.

I can't really explain the feeling I had when I finally decided that teaching was the career for me. In some sense, I felt pride. In another, I felt a huge weight of responsibility. However, for the first time something clicked in my head, where it was as if all the cells in my body were nodding in approval of my decision. I've always felt kind of lost in terms of what I'd do after University, until now. Now I have something to aim for. I have a purpose. It's time to learn how to teach.

Until next time.

Intellectual Restrictions

Hi all,

So, I'm now a new tenant of a house in Bristol, along with 3 other lovely people whom I've made good friends with during my First Year at Uni. I'm typing this while I'm here, and being the only person in a new house feels strange, can't quite put a word on it yet.

The other peeps couldn't be here to stay for the first week of the tenancy, so it rested on me to carry out the all-important form-filling of the inventory sheet, half of which wasn't filled out properly enough by the estate agents, but I guess you can't blame it on the busy folk, because you know, they've obviously got better things to worry about than a smoke alarm that was hidden on top of a kitchen cupboard and didn't have a battery fitted in – I've bought a battery and tested it myself, so no worries now.

The house is in generally good condition, considering some of the rubbish tips dotted around Bristol that are being advertised as suitable student accommodation. Apart from the heating making a dodgy loud noise if all the radiators are turned off, it's cosy. I particularly like my own room. Tis not the biggest, but allows me all the comforts a Computer Scientist needs; a desk situated in a small alcove-like corner, with easy-to-reach shelf space above, not to mention a very comfy office chair. Situated directly to my right is a window, which luckily has a black pull-down blind to shield me from that ever-so-harmful sunlight when I'm zoned into my laptop. Oh, and I have a double bed!

I arrived on Monday, and I stupidly booked my coach for 3pm on Sunday. By now I've already received the letters we needed, filled in and handed back the inventory sheet and criticised all I can about the house that jeopardises immediate human safety. Couple this with no home internet access, and I am quite literally on the verge of madness, hence why I'm writing this.

It's strange, I never appreciate just how much I take the internet for granted. Even when I think I'm bored while surfing the web, I'm not really, I'm just unfocused. Being without internet does leave you in a state of deep thought, just sitting on a chair, thinking of what to do, inevitably leading to thoughts of possible lifestyle changes that you never get around to doing, or fictional scenarios that play in your head (otherwise known as daydreaming). In a way, I reckon the internet can limit people's imaginations and thought processes. What's the point in thinking about something if you can just Google it?

Oh, in case you're wondering, I'm posting this a day late, and using the University's internet within one of the libraries. I'm now just counting down the hours till my coach home.

Until next time.

Working with Cynicism

Hi all,

So, exams are over, results are out and I've managed to scrape (yes, scrape) a First for my 1st Year at Uni. Can't say I'm not surprised, I was expecting to pass but by the experience of some exams, I honestly thought I'd have trouble passing some modules. In those particular modules I didn't manage to get over 60% for them, mind. After only finding out about the grade criteria to change course to the Year Abroad scheme, looks like I can at least apply to study in California in my Third Year!

As with most students in a similar situation to me, money is uncomfortably tight, and I'm going to have to bite the bullet and work at the same place I was last summer; packaging nail polish and moving boxes around, with the more brain-intensive work being counting how many boxes are on a pallet ready to be distributed to a department store. I'm quite a cynical person, and I tend to see the 'more depressing side' in almost everything. In that place, I am pretty much surrounded by cosmetic products, which scream out "look at me, I obviously have such a good sense of fashion to afford these £10 eyelash extensions" - yeah, I'd love to see someone wear them for more than 10 minutes before poking their own eyes out. It takes a while, but eventually I'll regress into my own thoughts, which is better company than the other workers if the rest of them are from Lithuania, and have conversations in their own language.

I guess my cynicism explains why I dislike popular clubs, and to an extent, my views on Religion. Also could explain my lack of a 'sex life' or whatever that term implies. I guess being at university can make you very cynical anyway, after seeing the states that people (including myself) get into after a night of getting drunk for a reason nobody can remember the next day.

I was going to mention the Olympics in this post, but I think I'll save that rant for when the Olympics actually get underway, and inevitably restrict me from using public transport to get to work.

On a lighter note, we have a new kitten! :)

Until next time.

Tasting Fame

I guess I should probably blog about my recent appearance on TV, so here goes (apologies if you've heard about this over a dozen times already from Facebook):

From being on the mailing list of the Atheist, Agnostic and Secular Society at Uni (thank you AASS!), I saw an opportunity to be part of the audience for BBC's "The Big Questions". There were two filming slots: a live-broadcast morning show and a pre-recording afternoon show, which would be aired the following week. The only show where the main question was revealed was the afternoon show, the question being "Is religion good for children?" - as you can probably guess, I felt compelled to go. After e-mailing the researcher and getting confirmation, I was given an audience member slot on the show. However chaps, the excitement didn't end there, for I was to be called up again, this time by the producer of the show, and was asked to sit at the front with the main speakers. I told the researcher my experience with education in faith schools throughout pre-University, so my guess is that she forwarded it onto the producer.

The recording was done on Sunday 29th April, and the show aired last Sunday 6th May. Needless to say, my heart was pounding throughout the recording. At the time I kept contemplating how I was surrounded by various prestigious people, all leaders in various groups of believers and non-believers, mostly intelligent people, some questionably so. I felt so bathed in religious differences it reminded me of being back in 6th Form, having casual debates with friends. Except in this situation, there were people who have devoted many years to defending their beliefs, most for more than my entire lifespan. I was possibly among the youngest people in the recording room, definitely so amongst the front row speakers in the audience. Nevertheless, I felt I got my story and my point across, and had an extra bonus of making a Professor eat his words after accusing me of being too young to choose my stance on religion. There were loads of opportunities for me to get my point across throughout the entire debate, but the other members had more articulated answers than what I could give, especially in my nervous-wreck of a disposition with the cameras and glaring eyes.

I spoke about my Catholic educational upbringing, and how I 'came out' as an Atheist to the 6th Form at the final Mass. I didn't mention their name, I didn't want to cause embarassment for the school (according to a Headteacher), even though I do not understand why it would be an embarassment. I took it as a way of saying that they are ashamed that I have proclaimed my lack of faith in Catholicism and religion altogether. Why should they be? I am the same person they've always seen, and I always will be. Just because I choose not to affiliate myself with religion does not make me any less of a person or an example for the school. They did not choose me to become Head Boy because I was Catholic. Why should it make a difference? On second thought, perhaps I have embarassed them. I have embarassed them because perhaps they now realise that what they saw on the television was not some husk of a person they used to see only a year ago, but the same exact person. I haven't heard anything from them since I e-mailed them a few days before the filming in April. I wonder if they'd be willing to drop me a polite e-mail congratulating me on being on TV and promoting good morals if only I had been on the other side of the audience; saying the same exact words, but without the absence of a religion. Maybe I should e-mail them? Maybe.

I met some amazing people on the show, the secular panellists (avec moi) are pictured below.

Starting from the left is Stephen Law, Philosopher and Author of books containing various challenging philosophical questions with relation to religion, most notably his book "The War for Children's Minds", which I plan to read very soon. Next is Antony Lempert, GP and head of the Secular Medical Forum, originating from a Jewish background (one of the few people who have the ability to read the Torah and preach its contradictions!). To the right of me is Irtaza Hussain, representing the council of ex-Muslims and originating from an Islam-dominant Pakistani education. At the far right is Andrew Copson, Chief Executive of the British Humanist Association and all-round preacher for reason and human morals. All awesome people, was an honour to meet them all, and I hope I get the opportunity to meet each of them again.

Overall, an amazing and enriching experience, and has definitely both built my confidence and opened up my mind to the established organisations and sheer amount of people who share my thoughts and are as passionate or even more so than I am about them.

You can watch the episode here on iPlayer. Only available till this coming Sunday!!

Until next time.

Present From Past

Hi all,

Haven't blogged in a while about my studies, thought it would give my blog title some substance amidst the posts about religion and lifestyle.

I guess I could trace my interest in computers back to when I was a young child (cliché I know, I'm glad I didn't put it on my personal statement for Uni applications). While I wasn't occupied for hours on end with creating things out of Lego or K'nex, I remember having some sort of electronic kit consisting of a console board with a variety of electronic components with spring-based contacts, along with an assortment of coloured copper wire pieces. I guess it was an electronics for beginner's kit, although I'm not sure if it was to the capabilities of an 8 or 9 year-old. I vaguely remember looking through the manual, picking out the diagrams and avoiding the complicated wording, and making sense of the diagrams to the best I could, and connected up wires in order to create a variety of things including an alarm and various sensor systems. Thinking about it now, that was pretty complicated for an 8 year-old. Sometimes I wish I'd kept that same mental attitude to things. Nowadays I find it a lot more difficult to make sense of things when I'm overwhelmed.

Alongside that, my interest in video games probably has played a significant part in my interest with computers, and instilled the idea that computers could literally do anything a human could think of (mostly). Towards the end of secondary school I began to take an interest in computer hardware, with the primary objective of upgrading my computer's graphics card so I could play better games.

I guess in a way, I've always had a certain motive behind my interests in computers. It was extra-curricular, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed knowing things that I knew other people didn't, and that school wouldn't teach them. Now the tables have turned, and I'm surrounded by people who have had similar experiences to me, and what was extra-curricular is now part of the course I'm studying alongside 100 or so other people.

I think that I'm what's called a `visual', perhaps even `kinaesthetic' learner. I've noticed that this makes my course a hell of a lot more difficult than I expected, because it's mostly theoretical rather than practical, depending on how you look at it of course. Computer science is interesting to me, but admittedly I can lose my focus if the content does not relate directly to something physical or visual, which happens quite often.

Still, at least my coursework marks are telling me that I'm doing alright so far.

Until next time.